Newsletter

Survivor or Thriver?

Newsletter                                                                  January 28, 2026

Good afternoon.

Many people who seek a life coach are often survivors of narcissistic trauma. Survivors can find themselves caught between polarities: survivor mode and thriver mode. But are survivor and thriver modes polarities?

Bent on learning basic survival (and recovery skills), the survivor eventually wants to leave survival in the dust and move into thriving, but finds that using old, familiar narratives (which served well for survival) is stealing significant energy, to the point that a survivor cannot even think of thriving. Survival mode takes over once again, and  continues the old narrative (understandably so). This can in turn lead the survivor heading for the bed. Or, in the words of comedienne Leanne Morgan, “Take to the bed.” 

The need to survive the fog of unknowing while we continue to climb is primal. We curl up into the fetal position, and we comfort ourselves because, for the moment, comfort is what we need. The desire to recover and preserve ourselves for the remainder of the climb is as nearly basic to the human experience as food or water. Actually, surviving is progress, even “taking to the bed,” if managed carefully. In “taking to the bed” while we are climbing the mountain, we are able to acknowledge our feelings of helplessness, pain, and anger. 

Then the "Aha!" moment arrives. The survivor realizes that the old mode for survival no longer serves them. Employing the old fear-based techniques fail to bring the desired results; instead, throwing the would-be thriver back into an unsuccessful loop of survival. Thriving is out the window and surviving is back in the driver's seat. In order to thrive and leave survival in the dust, a new way of being, a new way of looking at things must begin. This is where the real work starts.

As far as thriving goes, the reason you are in process recovering from narcissistic trauma is because the remarkable voice of your will to “make it” insisted sometimes on a whisper, sometimes with a shout, that you continue striving. To your credit, you recognized and listened to that inner voice. Having been challenged to extremes with love bombing, gaslighting, manipulation, control, isolation, devaluation, and withholding (and that’s just for starters), you find the spirit inside you more powerful than ever. Once the fog begins to lift, you find strength to continue the climb with new, more helpful tools, even if for one more day.

People I’m watching right now: 

          Richard Grannon Healing After Narcissistic Abuse | 4 Tips

People I’m reading: 

           Life Coach Michael Bungay Stanier: Who are your people in 2026? | Michael Bungay Stanier

           Shahida Arabi’s Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists: Essays on the Invisible War Zone and Exercises for Recovery https://a.co/d/aqrZJZ2

About Me:

I’m a survivor of long-term familial and relational narcissistic abuse who has done the work to heal, disentangle, and rebuild a life rooted in clarity and choice. I’ve lived inside systems shaped by narcissism, mental illness, and coercive belief structures—and I’ve also lived my way out.

My focus is not on endlessly revisiting the past, but on using it to help survivors reclaim their agency, voice, and forward momentum. My work blends lived experience with practical, real-world tools—what I think of as a boots-on-the-ground approach to healing.

If you’re here, you don’t need to prove how much you’ve suffered. You are believed. What matters now is what you want to build next—and that’s where I meet you.

Kind regards,

Eva

Second Street Life