The Toxic Playbook Silver Lining

As our understanding of the toxic family increases and the toxic family damage unfolds, we're totally horrified at the breadth and depth of what has been done to us. This understanding can send us reeling. When we were inside the toxic, narcissistic system we were outnumbered. Now, we’re alone, trying to make decisions on how to best proceed. We feel ill-equipped and unpracticed at this thing called life. We don’t have a proper playbook, no good example. 

Or, do we?

Let’s remember, in our learning quest (thanks to the fantastic work of leading psychiatrists such as Dr. Ramani Durvasula, Ross Rosenberg, Dr. Craig Malkin and many others, there is plenty of info available), let’s not miss the tremendous gift the toxic family leaves for us. As ill-prepared for life as we may be, there’s a silver lining: narcissistic folks leave us some tantalizingly clear instructions. The instructions are found in their real-life playbook.

Contrary to what the toxic family members may say, their “playbook” informs us how NOT to be (if we play it right). Their playbook is quite detailed, and that’s the silver lining. Most of us already committed their playbook to memory in order to survive! Now we recommit to how not to be. The toxic family never counted on survivors paying attention to this kind of thing, then turning it on its head. HA! Take that, toxicity, you!

If we do the opposite of what they teach, we understand how not to shame and guilt others, how not to control, manipulate, guilt or coerce. How not to gaslight, belittle, berate or cheat. How not to be cruel and sadistic. How not to act entitled. How not to wear a mask. How not to be a martyr, etc. The list goes on. And on. 

Finally, a silver lining! We can use the toxic family playbook to break the chain that kept us psychologically imprisoned for so long.

While we grapple with the enormity of even thinking of leaving a toxic family system (or staying in, out of necessity), survivors may feel totally alone. But we can oppose what the toxic family constantly warned against: instead of listening only to them and their minions, instead of trusting our precious souls only to them, we can finally dig deep and consult our instincts, ask advice from our very essence. We can go against the toxic narcissistic playbook and trust ourselves completely. 

We oppose the narcissistic playbook on How You Should Be At This Thing Called Life. 

We choose how we’re NOT gonna be!

Not to say that we won’t make mistakes, because we will. However, when we practice the opposite of what was expected of us in the toxic family cult playbook, we end up on the right track, pretty much every time.